Dear Kimmy E*,
Do you ever wonder if there is a place we all go to play when we sleep? Like, you legit drift off and everyone’s just there. Not heaven by any means, I mean like a dream playground. Thoughts?
Ryan Turner
Dear Ryan,
That is an interesting theory and one I can back up with various studies. One such publication refers to the Sleep Playground, individuals enter here once reaching the height of their sleep. This was explored by Dr George Kenneth, who wrote this publication, entered sleep and discovered to his amazement that everyone was gathered ready to play. Another interesting paper by Norman Milton considers that it is likely and he has interviewed many individuals who have found such instances to be true during sleep. Very interesting indeed.
Kimmy E
Dear Kimmy E,
I have a trouble with job hopping. Only the other day I told the boss I hadn’t come in because I hadn’t wanted to. What can I do to truly commit to a role and how can I tone down my honesty?
Felix Marc
Dear Felix
Honesty is very useful to help you get out of situations. “Can you walk the dog?” They’ll ask. “I’m not allergic, I just have no interest in walking this pup,” you might say. “Does my hair look nice?” a concerned girlfriend might ask. “It looks like it got caught in a lawn mower and then sewn back on.” you’ll reply. So, you see, useful.
As for job hopping, if it’s boring- why go in? It may be useful to assemble a doll of yourself from milk cartons and old coats. Put it in your office chair and you’ll find that no one is likely to notice that you haven’t turned up to work. This works 99.9% of the time.
Kimmy E
Dear Kimmy E,
I’m sick of school. They keep calling home to say my skirt is too short, erm…it’s meant to be. How else will I entice the lads? Besides this, they expect us to wear baggy jumpers and no makeup. What kind of prison is this? I’m thinking of leading a revolution. I also have to do a GCSE in Husband Catching so I can do A-Level Baby Rearing. My parents keep saying I should do Maths or Science, getting married is my dream. How can I convince them that my future is mapped out and I know what I want?
Kelly Pettigan
Dear Kelly,
If I could go back in time I too would have completed such GCSEs. Mine have only served to place me in shitty jobs I wouldn’t expect a dog to undertake. Alas, such opportunities were not afforded me. Go home and look your parents in the eyes and say, “I love, love, I adore, adoration. You are standing in the way of me marrying a fit guy such as Henry Cavill or *insert hottie here.* I don’t need you standing in my way. If I want to go into school wearing only underwear that is up to me.” If they threaten punishment roll your eyes and body pop. (Do young people still body pop?)
Just kidding stay in school kids.
Kimmy E