My identity is moulded by what I do. It is in the action words: in the “type,” “organise” and “plan.” It appears to me that other people I meet have their identity in who they are instead. They concentrate on their essence and do not allow the dismantlement of who they imagine themselves to be by others. As a person looking from the outside, this is how it appears. It is in focusing on their being and existence that encourages their solidity, nothing more. They remain unshaken even as they approach other seasons of their life. When the pillars around their person might shake and crumble, they still remain due to this outlook.
Becoming an action word is often appreciated in the production-driven workplace. Your ability to put aside your inner life and background is of great value to them. In the corporate world, this may not always be so. I came up against a manager who made me question who I am. If I am not valuable because I am efficient and hardworking…who am I? I was belittled, critiqued and it made me wonder…can I exist beyond what I do? This led me to a crossroads.
My granddad was a Jamaican gentleman whose focus was on education. He encouraged us to be interested in it and he let us know it would propel us forward. He passed away when I was in year eleven, leaving me without his guidance. I long to sit at the table with him and ask him, how did you buy a house? How did you become a carpenter? Was it a choice, or sense of duty that decided your path?
Since a young age, I have had a desire to know. I have had a curiosity for the way things work and the need to discover how systems are built. Through this I have worked on a small press and developed a lingerie project. Through failure, re-routing and detours I have a greater understanding of myself. Yet, I still long to discover my calling. Within my skills, there is a purpose, within my newly acquired experience there is a path and within my gifts, there is a way. Yet, I am unsure of what it is.
I have always thought if I had a direction, I would move forward and walk that path with vigour. With the knowledge of my calling, I would attack any barrier and leap any hurdle while keeping my eye on that horizon. Without that, I am muddling along unsure, and it is painful. Perhaps having the answer would make me laid back. I might lose the side to me that desires to know because it would all now be known.
My blog posts look at creativity and other parts that flow into this area. Leadership- which arises as you begin to stride a new path, and you turn and find you have followers. Creative block- which might be because of awakening a new fear or having tackled an old one. Design- as new things that have been produced because of your iteration are used by others you find it has come full circle. You are a leader whose products are being used because you overcame your creative block.
Please note: I used the word product. It is easy to imagine everything that is produced must have a monetary purpose. Sometimes what we produce is what is keeping us from falling. What we create can be a result of our inner life and nothing more. So, while I might write about products and entrepreneurship- this is a result of my personal interests. Creativity can be an end in itself.
All in all, I can use this space to work it all out.